Sally invited her mother over for dinner. During the meal, her mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful
Sally's roommate was.
She had long been suspicious of Sally's sexuality and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two women interact, she started to wonder if there was more between
Sally and the roommate than met the eye.
Reading her mom's thoughts, Sally volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you,
Karen and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Karen came to Sally and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
Sally said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her just to be sure."
So she sat down and type: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
A few hours later, Sally received a letter from her mother which read:
"Dear Daughter, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Karen, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with
Karen. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by
now.
Love - Mom"
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They say you are what you eat... Does that mean I'll be you in the
morning?
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Two lesbians were out playing golf. They tee off, one drive goes to the right, and one drive goes to the left.
One of them finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process, she hacks the hell out of the buttercups.
Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. She blocks the lesbian's path to her golf bag, looks at her, and says:
"I am Mother Nature, and I do not like the way you treated my buttercups. From now on, you won't be able to stand the taste of butter. Each time you eat butter you will become physically ill to the point of total nausea."
The mystery woman then disappears as quickly as she appeared.
Shaken, the woman calls out to her partner, "Hey, where's your ball?"
Her partner responds, "It's over here in the pussy willows."
She screams back, "Whatever you do, don't hit the ball!"
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Q: What do you call a dyke in the military?
A: Militia Etheridge
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A lesbian walks into a sex toy store and asks where the vibrators
are.
"Come this way," the cute woman behind the counter says,
gesturing with her finger.
"If I could come that way, I wouldn't need the vibrator,
would I?" the lesbian responds.
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Some women can't say the word lesbian... even if their mouths are
full of one
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Q: What did one lesbian frog say to the other?
A: "You know, we do taste like chicken!"
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Q: What kind of humor do lesbians like?
A: Tongue in Cheek
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What is a CAT?
1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
7. They're moody.
8. They leave hair everywhere.
CONCLUSION: They're tiny Femme Lesbians in little fur coats.
What is a DOG?
1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4. They growl when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to play.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They leave their toys everywhere.
8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss!
9. They go right to your crotch as soon as they meet you.
CONCLUSION: They're tiny Butch Lesbians in little fur coats.
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Have you heard about the new lesbian tennis shoe called
"Dyke?" It has an extra long tongue and it only takes on
finger to get it off!
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A lesbian goes to the gynecologist, and upon examination, the doctor says, "Why, it's immaculate in here! What do you do to keep yourself so
hygienic?"
The lesbian replies, "I have a woman in twice a week."
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Q: What do you call an Irish lesbian?
A: Gaylick
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Q. What's the difference between a lesbian and a dyke?
A. About $30,000 a year.
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Q: Why do lesbians like whales so much?
A: Because they have 50 foot tongues and air holes on the top
of their heads
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Q: What do you call a Lesbian living in Alaska?
A: Klondike
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Q: Where do lesbians like to eat?
A: At the Y
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Q. How can you tell if a lesbian is butch?
A. Instead of KY she insists on using WD40
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Q: How many lesbians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to screw in the lightbulb and the other to write a
folk song about it
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There was a young woman from Wheeling
Who claimed to lack sexual feeling
'Til a dyke named Delores
Simply touched her clitoris
And she had to be scraped from the ceiling
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If lesbianism is a disease, let's all call in queer to work!
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One day these three lesbians die and go to heaven.
The angel comes to the first one and asks, "How many times have you cheated on your lover?" The lesbian answers, "Once." The angel then gives her the keys to a Ferrari and says, "Go drive around heaven."
The angel then asks the second lesbian, "How many times have you cheated on your lover?" She answers, "Three." So the angel gives her the keys to an ordinary Toyota and says, "Go drive around heaven."
The same question is asked of the third lesbian and she says, "Eight times." The angel gives her the keys to a beat-up Yugo.
After the day is over the three lesbians meet up and the one in the Ferrari is crying her eyes out. The others ask her what's wrong.
She says, "I just saw my lover. She was riding a tricycle!"
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Practising lesbian requires study partner
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A guy walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone. He says, "Can I buy you a drink?"
She replies, "Yes, but it won't do you any good."
Later he asks, "May I buy you another drink?" "Yes," she responds, "but it won't do you any good."
After a few drinks, he decides to ask her to his apartment. Again, she replies, "Yes, but it won't do you any good."
In his apartment he turns to her and says, "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I want you for my wife."
She replies: "Oh, That's completely different! Bring her on
out!"
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Like my shirt? Try talking me out of it
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Q: What do you call a cupboard full of lesbians?
A: A licker cabinet!
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I feel like a new woman... you'll do
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These lesbian jokes have been created and selected as
funny and lesbian-positive. Sure, we can be the butt of a good joke, but
you won't find homophobic humor or insults here. We offer these lesbian
jokes in good fun. And check out the t-shirts, too!
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